Terrific Puns

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. A commander walked into a bar and ordered everyone around.
  4. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  5. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  6. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  7. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare. 
  8. Bono and The Edge walked into a Dublin bar and the bartender said, “Oh no, not U2 again. 
  9. Prison is just one word to you but, for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  10. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but good players are really hard to find.
  11. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  12. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  13. 13.What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self

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