Category Archives: Take Time to Laugh

The End is Near

Pandemic Diary

Thanks go to Kim Kimball Holmquist for giving us the chance to laugh out loud!

New monthly budget: Gas $0, Entertainment $0, Clothes $0, Groceries $2,799.

 Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating. 

We low-maintenance chicks are having our moment right now. We don’t have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!

When this quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people. 

I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: “Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on the scale.”

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late to anything in over 8 weeks. 

It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.

You know those car commercials where there’s only vehicle on the road? Doesn’t seem so unrealistic these days.

They may open things up next month — I’m staying in until July to see what happens to you all first.

 Day 56: The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.

 Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening, so we can start lifting restrictions now.” Or could it be…..  pretty funny “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.”

People keep asking: “Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?” Listen y’all, the churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious.

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

 I am home schooling. The first day I tried to get this kid transferred out of my class.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

Okay, so the schools are closed. Do we drop the kids off at the teacher’s house?

For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us? Asking for myself….

And the best one: I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again, but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, “If you people don’t let me unlock the door, none of you will ever get in to shop.”

Making a Face Mask at Home

It’s Easy

New Skills

Mask Assistance

How to Handle an Emergency

     So there were five people on an airplane about to crash with only four parachutes.  Four adults and one 10-year-old girl were on the   plane.  The pilot had already jumped.
     The CDC presidential liaison said, “I need to parachute because I’ll be saving thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of lives with my work,” so he took the first parachute and jumped.
     The Pope said, “Millions of people are relying on me to maintain their faith during this ordeal,” so he took the second parachute and jumped.
     Donald Trump said, “I am the smartest man in the world and the only one who can solve all these problems,” and he took the third parachute and jumped.
     Mayor Cuomo stood up and said, “Well I’ve had a very long and fulfilled life young lady and you have your whole life ahead of you, so I think you should take this fourth parachute and I wish you the best of luck.”
     The little girl just smiled and said “No, you take it,  I have one. The smartest man in the world didn’t notice that what he thought was a parachute was my school backpack.”

Pandemic Refrigerator for the Good Old Boys

Ahlzeimer’s Eye Test

Try it seriously dont cheat its amazing
EVERYONE SHOULD TRY!!!!!!!

ALZHEIMERS’ EYE 👁‍🗨 TEST

(I love this part..
It’s absolutely amazing!)

Count every ” F ” in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS…
(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

3….4….?

_______________________________________________________

Are you sure? Continue for correct ______________________________

_______________________________________________________

Absolutely sure?____________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 — no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is this:
The brain cannot process “OF”.
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 “F’s” on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy!!:
Good isnt it.. 👍

Another Day in a Weird World

Trump Goes to Israel

Marty Mulloy, Mulloy2@Gmail.com, sent this in.

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.  While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him,”You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just  $100.”  The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes.  They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.  The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?”  The American diplomats reply, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can’t take the risk.”