{"id":4996,"date":"2022-12-15T12:28:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-15T17:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/?p=4996"},"modified":"2023-01-24T09:40:39","modified_gmt":"2023-01-24T14:40:39","slug":"hilarious","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/hilarious\/","title":{"rendered":"Hilarious!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh joy.  Another hilarious group of wise words from Kim Holmquist.  Thanks so much, Kim.   I hope you all enjoy!<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn\u2019t make a decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, \u201cClose enough.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I\u2019ve ever done. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I\u2019m self-employed. We\u2019re having a meeting. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour call is very important to us.  Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”. <\/span><\/p>\n

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me? <\/span><\/p>\n

I hate it when I can\u2019t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He\u2019s 5 and it\u2019s past his bedtime. <\/span><\/p>\n

Today\u2019s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. <\/span><\/p>\n

I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. <\/span><\/p>\n

Old age is coming at a really bad time. <\/span><\/p>\n

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees. <\/span><\/p>\n

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet. <\/span><\/p>\n

Why do I have to press \u201cone\u201d for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I’m wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only seen one copy?<\/span><\/p>\n

Commandments for Seniors<\/u>\u2026\u2026<\/em><\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off. <\/span><\/p>\n

Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work. <\/span><\/p>\n

“On time” is when you get there. <\/span><\/p>\n

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid \u2013 but it sure does muffle the sound. <\/span><\/p>\n

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free…and three sizes smaller. <\/span><\/p>\n

Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you. <\/span><\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh joy.  Another hilarious group of wise words from Kim Holmquist.  Thanks so much, Kim.   I hope you all enjoy! The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36775],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-take-time-to-laugh"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4996"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4996\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}