{"id":3554,"date":"2017-05-01T10:08:25","date_gmt":"2017-05-01T14:08:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/?p=3554"},"modified":"2017-05-24T18:18:53","modified_gmt":"2017-05-24T22:18:53","slug":"help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/help\/","title":{"rendered":"Help!"},"content":{"rendered":"

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE OLD, AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE<\/strong>
\nGeorge Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up
\nto bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed,
\nwhich she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back
\ndoor to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed
\nstealing things.<\/p>\n

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said
\n“No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from
\nme. Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy, you should lock
\nyour doors and an officer will be along when one is available” George
\nsaid, “Okay.” He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned
\nthe police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there
\nwere people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry
\nabout them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are
\neating them right now,” and he hung up.<\/p>\n

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
\nTrucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’
\nresidence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen
\nsaid to George”I thought you said that you’d shot them!” George said, “I
\nthought you said there was nobody available!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE OLD, AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36775],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-take-time-to-laugh"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3554"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3554\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/new.alumnae.mtholyoke.edu\/1961\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}